The bow trend is so big even reductress got on it :P

Hi Emma! I see you and absolutely hear your point of view, but thought I’d leave a little counterpoint here. As someone who was never seen as pretty or valued for her appearance, shallow though it may sound, absorbing the message that you’re NOT worth anything as a female because you’re not good looking or girly or into bows/pink/ribbons etc was just as damaging. I was constantly compared to my much much older sisters (think a 13 and 15 year age gap) and found lacking, with relatives and family friends openly making derisive comments about my body (big hips, thick thighs, bushy eyebrows, short legs, whatever) straight to my face even as a young kid, which really did a number on my self-esteem.

It didn’t help that while growing up my mom never cared much about my appearance; she never put bows in my hair or really tried to do anything stylish with my wardrobe or shoes or accessories. I wish she would have! Neither did my sisters, sadly. I used to insist on jeans and a T-shirt as a kid but I think it was secretly a pushback on people’s perception of me as an ugly duckling, so I decided I would reject their judgement on my lack of attractiveness and just lean into being as UNgirly as I could. I wish the world would stop passing judgement on girls’ looks and assigning them value based purely on their looks altogether, but given a choice, I think I would have preferred to be admired as a pretty girl growing up, even though that also comes with its own set of issues, simply because whether we want to admit it or not, being considered good looking is in itself a form of power and privilege.

Thank you for this. I’m sure it was very hard to write. Many years (including this year) I have resolved / been excited to wear a ribbon in my hair, because it looks so pretty on others, but I have always pulled back at the last minute. I just feel an instinctive sense of “no”. But then I see how lovely it looks on others and think how pretty and fetching it would look in my hair. And so the cycle starts again. I think this may shed some light on the struggle. So this helps me to resolve that dilemma: I will not wear a ribbon on my hair. Beautiful ribbons on my tree, presents, etc, but not in my hair.

Kimberly, this is absolutely delightful. What a phenomenal tree topper.